


You're My Home, Now

by storybrooke_clique



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Crying, F/F, Grocery Store, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Maggie Sawyer Backstory, Sanvers - Freeform, also this is pretending they never broke up because thats still painful and its been lika year, i love these geeks so much, i miss them so much, maggie matters, they just girlfriends here y'all, tiny tiny tiny tiny mention of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 16:57:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15441618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storybrooke_clique/pseuds/storybrooke_clique
Summary: Maggie's reminded of her past and tries to hide the pain from Alex. But you can't hide anything from Alex Danvers, DEO. I'm bad at summaries but I think its good.Angst and hurt/comfort are in here and like there's a tiny mention of self harm if you squint??? So just be careful with that, please.





	You're My Home, Now

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a while since I've posted on here, but I kinda wrote this when I was in a tough spot and thought maybe it could comfort others. I miss Sanvers pretty much every second of every day. They made such a big impact on my life and I hope they come back some day.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy the angst!

Maggie sat on the couch, staring at the TV screen, blankly.

She had turned some old Friends reruns on, but she couldn’t tell you what was happening on them. She just needed the white noise. 

Because the silence was deafening  
.  
She’d like to think that she can take care of herself. She’s been forced to ever since she was 14. Maggie had been used to building up walls and not letting anyone see her vulnerable. See her weak. She was used to taking her feelings and shoving them deep deep down where she didn’t have to deal with them. Because then life could go on like nothing happened. She knew it was unhealthy. 

She didn’t really care.

Because she was just picking up a few things in the grocery store when a song, her and her dad’s favorite song when she was a kid, started playing. And she tried to tell herself that it happened a long time ago. That she didn’t need him. She was already good. Because she was. But if she was honest?

It still hurt so bad.

But Maggie Sawyer, NCPD, would not be seen breaking down in the cereal aisle, so she clenched her jaw, attempted to take some deep breaths, and proceeded to checkout. 

And now she was home and she had to calm herself down and _get a grip, Sawyer_ because Alex would be coming home soon, badass, take-no-prisoners, punch first ask questions later Alex Danvers, DEO, and she couldn’t be a mess, she had to be perfect, because Danvers deserved only the best. She didn’t deserve the daddy issues, the when will my abandonment issues abandon me, depressed, broken Maggie Sawyer. She deserved the wide eyes, bright smile, always supportive, always put together Maggie Sawyer.

Alex deserved the best. Always.

So she practiced her smile and made sure her voice was perfect, and she sat casually on the couch, watching Friends.

Everything was fine. 

So when the sound of Alex’s key entering the lock of her apartment, their apartment now (god, was she ever going to get used to that?), Maggie made sure to sit up a little taller and put on a smile for her gorgeous girlfriend.

“Hey, babe!” Maggie exclaims, expressing her cheery and exuberant self.

“Hey…” Alex’s voice trails off, suspicious. Because today’s Monday. And she knows Maggie always has meetings with her captain and the other pretentious white boys on the squad on Mondays, which drain her. Mondays are never days for cheery Maggie. Monday is their Netflix and takeout and cuddles night.

Alex knows Maggie’s performing for her.

“You okay, babe?”, she asks cautiously.

Maggie rolls her eyes with that rehearsed smile again.

“Who do you think you’re talking to Danvers, of course I’m okay. How was work?” Maggie changes the subject, desperate to get the attention, the subject, the conversation, off of her.

Alex sighs and kicks off her shoes as she makes her way to Maggie.

Maggie, who is on the verge of hyperventilating because Alex isn’t answering her question, Alex isn’t going to the kitchen to grab a root beer (because they’ve been working on her drinking and Maggie is so proud of her Alex), Alex isn’t glowing, Alex is heading over to Maggie and _no no no_ , Maggie is failing, Maggie can’t be perfect, why can’t Maggie ever be perfect.

Maggie clenches her jaw and wills her chest to stop rising and falling so damn hard because Alex is coming.

“Work was work,” Alex says nonchalantly as she plops down on the couch beside Maggie on the couch, “I am interested in _your_ day, though. How was it?”

_Shit_. No one’s ever done that before, asked how Maggie’s day was, cared enough to ask, cared enough for her. 

She tries to salvage the little control she has left over her emotions as she averts her eyes from Alex and watches Ross on the TV screen instead. She clenches her jaw and bites her lip so hard it starts to bleed and Maggie hisses because god that hurts but doesn’t she deserve it?  
Alex sees and somehow Alex knows exactly what’s going on.”

“Hey,” Alex says gently, voice smooth and calming, “I’m right here, Maggie. You don’t have to be guarded with me, okay? Please stop biting your lip okay, you’re hurting yourself.”

Maggie’s lip starts to wobble and she promised, promised herself she would be strong for Alex, perfect for Alex, but she glances at Alex and she’s searching her eyes for judgement, for annoyance, for something akin of disappointment.

But she only finds love.

And that’s what breaks Maggie.

Everything she had pushed down and locked away came hurling back up as tears raced down her faced as she hiccuped and her chest racked with sobs.

Alex gasped and tried not to cry herself because she hated seeing her girl in pain, in agony because Maggie only deserves sunshine and the gayest rainbows, not this. Nothing like this.  
Alex runs a soothing hand across her girlfriend’s back and whispers encouragements as Maggie lets it all out.

“I’m so proud of you babe.”

“You’re so brave for letting it all out with me.”

“You’re perfect, Mags, don’t forget that.”

“There’s a good girl, it’s gonna be okay.”

Alex holds Maggie and supports her through her tears and her gasping and her pleading and every sound makes Alex’s heart want to break in two. But Alex stays strong, for her girl.

So she holds Maggie until the tears stop flowing so much and her chest returns to its somewhat normal rising and falling. Alex pushes Maggie’s hair behind one ear, exposing her face.  
Maggie’s face is flushed and trails of tears litter her face. Red puffy eyes turn to meet loving ones, and a part of Maggie feels ashamed for being this pathetic but she just feels so damn loved. Alex raises her eyebrows, not pushing anything, but letting Maggie know she’s free to talk. If she wants to.

“I just...it’s stupid-“ Maggie starts.

“Hey,” Alex interrupts as she tenderly puts her index finger under Maggie’s chin so she looks at Alex, “nothing that comes out of your mouth is ever stupid. Ever? Understand? You are so intelligent and beautiful and amazing and everything I could ever want, alright?.”

Maggie lets a soft smile creep into her features. “Understood.”

Alex softly chuckles at the role reversal from their earlier days.

“It was just, uh,” Maggie croaks out, “There was this one song me and umm, my dad used to listen to a lot and I know its been years and I’m a grown woman god dammit but the song just reminded me of him, of my old home, of what just being a normal kid felt like before,” Maggie’s lip is wobbling again, and she whispers, “Before everything happened.”

Alex nods and keeps rubbing circles and tracing patterns on Maggie’s back. The two sit silent for a while, the laugh track of Friends and Maggie’s ragged breathing echoing off of the walls.

“It’s okay to feel like this. Just because you’re a grown woman doesn’t mean you can’t allow yourself to feel things. We both have issues with our fathers, with our families, and yes that sucks, but the beauty of that is that we can work through those issues together, okay? You are valid 100% of the time, no matter if your smile is lighting up the room or if you’re drowning in your tears. Or both.”

Maggie scoffs as Alex drags her thumb across Maggie’s face to wipe her tears. Maggie finds herself leaning into her girlfriend’s touch and feels something that feels a lot like love.

“Can we make a deal?” Alex asks softly.

“What would that deal be, Danvers?” Maggie asks, voice hoarse from crying.

“For us to be transparent with each other? I know you don’t like talking about yourself, and that’s perfectly okay, you don’t have to talk, but I don’t want you to pretend around me either. I want you to feel free to be 100% you in this relationship. Can you at least try for me, babe?”

Maggie thinks. Never has someone been this caring with her before, and she has this nagging voice in the back of her head that’s telling her somehow, this is a trap. That Alex doesn’t really care.

But love conquers all and the way Alex is holding her, and the way Alex is picking up on her Lesbian Head Tilt and the compassion swimming in her girlfriend’s eyes?

Feels a lot like love.

“I’ll try, Danvers. For you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know if you liked it! I might start accepting prompts and writing more if you guys want. Constructive criticism is invited! I hope you all have a nice day, and know that you are loved, even if you don't feel like it. You are wonderful just the way you are! Never forget.


End file.
